10 steps to actually keep your new year’s resolution this time.
It’s quite funny that every single year, we make commitments to ourselves on January 1st, and three weeks later break them and revert back into old ways because it’s too much of a burden to keep up. It’s too hard. It’s too much time. And the list goes on. And at the same time, it’s not funny at all.
Because it's about more than just breaking a New Year’s resolution. It’s a small example of a huge epidemic sweeping across the world. One that’s causing epic amounts of non-existent self-esteem. And feelings of hopelessness when it comes to living a life that you’re wildly in love with and obsessed over.
Breaking your New Year's resolutions is one more culturally accepted thing that’s telling you, “I can’t do this. That’s never going to be mine. I’m just not cut out for this,” etc.
While so many of us laugh at the New Year’s thing, myself included, let’s pause for a second and ask why:
Why are so many of us backing down on what we want and breaking our commitments to ourselves & our happiness?
It’s got nothing to do with anything being wrong with you. You’re an amazing individual. And your incredibly capable and worthy and allowed to get absolutely every last drop of what you want out of life.
The reason so many of us break our resolutions with ourselves is quite simple:
1. We're committing to actions, not results & the feeling those results will bring.
We’re committing to working out every day instead of building epic amounts of confidence.
We’re committing to eating celery instead of chips instead of loving every second of getting intimate and steamy with our partner...with zero body shame.
We’re committing to saving money instead of creating that lush, serene, “how on earth did I get here?!” feeling that comes when we’re sitting in a resort in the tropics relaxing.
2. We are making resolutions fueled by a sense of should. Shoulding yourself is basically f*cking yourself over.
Shoulding means you’re comparing yourself to someone else. It means you’re acting from a place of guilting yourself for your current actions because of what the people around you are doing. And you aren’t other people. You’re you. And the only change that is going to stick in your life is the one that comes from inside. The one that comes from that burning desire you keep ignoring. Not what you see around you.
3. Most resolutions are aiming to overcome something without even addressing or accepting why the current situation even happened in the first place.
There are these things called limiting beliefs we all have creeping around in our minds. They play to the tune of:
That’s just not possible for me.
I’m not good enough for that.
Who am I to have…...xyz
This is just the way things will always be for me...
And short and simple: these limiting beliefs are what fuel our binge eating, our endless time sucking social media scrolling instead of working out, our overspending, and our breaking of our commitments to ourselves.
Up until a few years ago, I’d always make New Year’s resolutions and fall off just like everyone else.
Then, I found Danielle Laporte. And her book called the Desire Map. She was talking about how her and her husband revamped their resolution making one year and how it entirely changed her life….I mean, it became her business, so I knew she was onto something there.
It was a process of getting clear on the way she wanted to feel in the coming year. Not what she wanted to do...but how she wanted to feel.
I’d never thought about it that way. And after working through a lot of her processes, I realised that when I broke commitments to myself, I wasn’t just not going to yoga every day, or not sticking to my commitment of cutting out sugar, I was basically telling myself, “You’re not worthy of feeling amazing and empowered and in control of your life every single day when you get out of bed.”
After realizing this, I set an intention that changed my life. I wanted peace. And I was willing to do anything to get it. I made a commitment to myself one New Year’s eve to work my way through 365 days of a self-study program. And never once did I falter or miss a day. And since that moment, I’ve never broken a commitment to myself again...no matter how hard it gets to keep it.
If you want to make a New year's resolution that sticks here’s what to do:
Reflect on this past year & journal for a bit on:
1. Where you most consistently felt stressed, off, and self loathing
2. What choices you were making that contributed to these feelings (i.e. no body confidence, and yet, not taking any action to love the bod you’ve got OR always feeling bloated, self conscious and exhausted, and yet still eating processed sugars and binge drinking)
3. Where you most consistently felt amazing, alive, and on your game
4. What choices you were making that contributed to these feelings (i.e. choosing that salad for lunch, even when you really wanted the fried noodles or mince pie, and getting way more done that afternoon at work)
5. Looking at all of the places you felt amazing and all of the choices you made that allowed you to feel that way, choose 1 word for how you want to feel in the following areas of your life:
Your physical health/body
Your relationships (not just romantic! All of ‘em)
6. Make a list of things that make you feel these ways.
7. Choose ONE thing you want to feel this year & WHY. What happens when you feel that way?
8. Make a list of all the things that make you feel that way. Commit to doing more of those things.
9. Put in proper support systems.
As with any journey that’s worth it, there will be times when you’re sitting there thinking, why the fuck did I do this? I’m just going to go back. But you don’t actually want to go back. You want the why you started out with.
Examples of proper support systems:
+ Support group text messages
+ Reminders on your phone and in your calendar every day of your goal and your why
10. DO THE WORK.
In truth, the only resolutions that stick are the commitments to a lifestyle change. Choose actions, thoughts, and feelings that feel expansive and good, but also challenge you. Make sure that the end goal of your resolutions are aligned with the person you want to show up in this world as.
Commit this year to living your life as bold and unapologetic as you have dreamed of doing. The only time you’ve got to do that is now. And the only person stopping you is...you.
If you want to learn more about what limiting beliefs might be operating in your mind and sabotaging the sexy, confident, kick-ass you that lives in your head from becoming the you that lives in the world, click here and read Sarah’s latest book, The Unapologetic You.
And if you’re ready to dance naked without a care (or if that thought scares and excites you) commit to a support system of a lifetime. Sign up for your very own Body Project. We’ll make sure you have the body you envision when you flinch at what you see in the mirror.